Would you say that you have a tribe? Imagine having a group of friends that know you well and you know them well. You are accepted for who you are…the good the bad and the ugly. There’s commitment, support, love, encouragement, transparency, and forgiveness. Your families play together; you trust each other, share keys to each other’s houses and pick up each other’s kids from school. You are known. These types of relationships seem so few and far between in our fast-paced, career-driven, mobile society.
We’ve Become More Isolated
It’s funny…as connected as this world is, we have somehow managed to become more isolated! I see and hear it from so many different people and places:
The single person feels alone without their soul mate
The newlywed feels alone with the distancing of the life they knew before marriage
The mom of young children feels alone without opportunity to connect with adults
The person who just moved feels alone without their old friends and family near
The boss feels alone without their employees trusting them
The Need for A Tribe
Whether we’re willing to admit it or not, we all long to find our tribe…our people…our family! It’s human nature to desire intimacy and belonging. Are you aware that there are health benefits to finding your tribe? Dr. Lissa Rankin shares “loneliness is a greater risk to your health than smoking or lack of exercise, and finding your tribe is better than any vitamin, diet, or exercise regimen.” http://lissarankin.com/the-health-benefits-of-finding-your-tribe
The Benefits of a Tribe
Along with benefiting your health, there are many other positives about finding your community, your tribe.
1. It teaches you how to love
I’m not talking about infatuation here, but the deep love, here for you through thick and thin kinda love.
2. You learn how to work through conflicts
Let’s face it, anytime you have a deep relationship, conflict happens at some point. But, when you’re committed, you also learn to work through it.
3. It provides a support system for you and your family.
Community gives your kids other people to look up to, ideally to trust, and friends they can grow up with. If you’re going through similar life seasons e.g. having a baby, empty nest, or retirement, you can compare notes and encourage one another.
4. It’s a place where you can be real and be known.
It allows you to let down the walls, be yourself, and know you’ll be accepted.
5. You can learn from each other
And, on the other hand, it allows you to be vulnerable and get real feedback about whatever your facing in life.
6. You can laugh and cry with each other.
There will be someone by your side when you need a laugh or a shoulder to cry on.
7. You can help each other out.
In the times when you’re in a pinch, there’s someone to help step up to bat…pick your kid up from school, watch your baby as you run an errand.
The Cost of A Tribe
In a tribe, there’s give and take. You take care of each other. Sometimes it requires self-sacrifice…putting your plans on hold for a day or letting your drama stay on the sidelines while you help someone else with theirs. Both of which are good things to practice.
Steps to Finding Your Tribe
My Sister-In-Law is naturally gifted at creating community. When she was pregnant with her first, she had a group of moms that called themselves the “Momtourage” – that was 9 years ago and they still get together. She has her tribe from University and another from High School that regularly take trips together. In every season she has established a group to share life with.
Perhaps you’re like me and need to be intentional about finding your tribe. Here are seven steps you can take to help foster community, build authentic relationships, and essentially find your tribe!
1. Take risks
If you’ve moved to a new place or are in a new season in life, you’ll likely have to take risks to foster new relationship. It will require stepping out of your comfort zone. If you’re naturally quiet, it may mean talking more. Maybe you’re musically gifted, it might mean trying out to be part of a musical group. If your athletic, it might mean going by yourself to a new exercise class.
2. Be the friend you’re looking for to someone else
Invite someone to coffee. Follow up with “acquaintances” when they’ve shared an important detail of their life e.g. Hey, Jenny, how did that interview go or how did your kid do in the school play etc.
3. Be real, transparent, vulnerable
If you have someone you’ve started to develop a friendship with, when faced with sharing something a little deeper, a little closer to your heart, make the choice to be a little more vulnerable and “let them in.”
4. Create opportunities to connect with others
Have the new neighbors over for dinner. Organize a block party. Don’t wait for someone else to do these things…be the change and create the reason to connect.
5. Be involved- join groups – put yourself out there
Get involved in a book club with other like-minded people. Join a small group from church. Start an investment club. Find something that interests you and connect with others that have the same interest.
6. Be open-minded and non-judgmental
As adults, we tend to judge things quickly…”oh, they aren’t like me”, “I won’t fit in here”, etc. Be open- minded …give new experiences and new groups a chance.
7. Stay positive
Don’t give up too quickly. It takes some time to develop authentic deep relationships. Acknowledge the small wins each day and continue to plug away.
Spending your time and energy to identify and cultivate your tribe is so worth it! There is minimal “cost” with multiple benefits! It will pay off in spades- socially, mentally, and even physically! I know you’re busy and likely feel like you don’t have time, but these simple steps are easy even for the busiest of us. Take on one or two steps at a time if you feel like all 7 are too much! As moms, dads, humans, we deeply need to be connected with one another. To know and to be known.
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Great post. This is so true everyone does say how alone they are. Sometimes I need to step out of my comfort zone and try some of your steps.
Love this and so true! I call mine my “Mom Squad” and I am so thankful for them every day.
Love this! I have felt a little isolated since I became a stay at home mom, but I’ve been more intentional with friend-making and it’s starting to get better now.
It can happen so easily!!! I’m glad it’s starting to turn around!
Finding your tribe, especially as a mother is SO important!! I’m
Blessed to have a wonderful group of friends and we’ve started a MOPS group in our city which has been a huge blessing to other mothers!
That’s great! It’s nice that you started a MOPS group where other moms can connect too!!!
These are great tips, I love my mom tribe so much and would be so lonely without them! <3 The quote about loneliness being worse then poor exercise is so powerful!
Thanks Erin!
Since I started working from home I did not have any tribes anymore. Thank you for reminding me the importance of it.
I hear ya. It was a difficult transition for me as well when I started working from home. You have to be a bit more creative with how you connect with people. I joined a book club and connected with neighbors!
I wrote a post similar on the import of your mommy tribe! Good ideas…it’s been so important for me to find friends I can escape and hang out with and truly be myself! No matter what that might look like!
Approve. It really is important…to health and life!
This is so true. Everyone, no matter what stage in life, needs their tribe. Love this post!
Thanks for the feedback! Much appreciated!
Thanks, Melissa for this great post! I love the 7 steps you mentioned!! We, especially women, really thrive on the healthy dynamics of relationships, and the steps you mentioned will definately attract those of like-mind, creating friendships that serve us as we grow.
Love this! Having a tribe is so important. I just moved to a new state and I need to find a local tribe asap!
I hear ya, it was a transition for me when I moved to Calgary!
Thanks for this great and detailed post! Couldn’t agree more on how important having a tribe is!
I️ have a few friends who are really going to enjoy this post and hopefully really benefit from it! Thanks again
Thanks Rachel!
Beautiful message. I’m lucky to have you in my tribe! Can’t wait to see where our journey goes….
Awe- thanks! Me too!
What a great post. As an introvert I find making really good friends to be hard. We have lived in our town for about 4 years. It is a really small, rural town, that is really tight and it’s hard to break in.
This is such a beautiful post. I have such a wonderful “tribe” and wonder where I would be without them! Thanks for sharing!
I’ve moved country and state twice in the past three years so I know all about the difficulties in finding a tribe! I’m getting there but it’s tough!
I LOVE this so much!! My husband and I just moved to a different part of town, we’ve got our first baby on the way and goodness I need to find my tribe!! Such a great post, loving these tips and how you explain the importance of having a tribe.
I have a hard time making friends and putting myself out there. Since we now live in an online world its easier for me to connect with people online, but I do push myself to join groups and be with people
What a great post! It can definitely be scary to put yourself out there while trying to find your tribe but the reward is 100% worth it in the end. Love all of the tips you gave!
I really needed to read this right now! As a stay at home/work at home mom, I have felt very isolated at times. It is very easy to get complacent in your routines with kids but it is also very important to have a tribe! This was great!
It’s so true, finding the right tribe, group or likeminded people is always exciting. Not to mention, love people who are supportive.
I love this! I feel like it’s all so true. As a entrepreneur who works from home, I definitely feel like it’s easy to become isolated. I hope to have my own tribe when we start growing our family!
I think this is SO important as an adult to find a tribe of women that you enjoy hanging out with! I know that I’ve definitely become more isolated as an adult. Great reminder to get out there and find friends!
Yes, everyone needs a tribe of friends, especially SAHM and WAHM. We all need this!!
Great post! I think a lot of people could really learn from this. Too often we become frustrated with what we perceive as an inability to make new friends when really we’re just holding ourselves back.
Britt | http://alternativelyspeaking.ca
It’s definitely quality over quantity when it comes to friends I think!